I heard that!

I am digging this concept a friend posted to Facebook. The idea that colors can be sounds. Or more specifically to me, colors, patterns, and just random sights can also be songs.

Of course, plaid would sound like bagpipes. The beautiful fiery fall leaves would be "Peter and the Wolf". Snow falling would sound like "The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy".

I suppose tastes could also be songs. Corned beef, in any form, brings to mind the music of The Irish Rovers. Good pasta sounds of cheesy Italian restaurant accordion player. Coke would be Michael Jackson or Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire".

I dunno. It was making sense at the time.

You ate it, Ralph!

When I was a kid, my parents had one answer when the question came up, "Is there any more (food, dessert, something yummy)?" If there was no more, the answer invariably was "You ate it, Ralph!" There was none left, you ate your allotted share, and that was all there was.

I think I'm going to have to make that into a sign to look at every night when I'm feeling snacky. No more food for the day, especially this close to bed! You ate it, Ralph.

My children shall know of this little piece of my childhood, rewoven into their childhoods. Teach the good stuff. Forget the bad stuff. You did the best you could with what you had at the time. Forgive yourself. And the family that went through it with you.

Being a running list of TV episodes..

..that correspond neatly to occurrences in my life. For example:

If you were to watch Season 4, ep 20 of Toddlers & Tiaras, you would see a pretty decent example of how I and my sisters used to behave. There are two sisters, ages 10 & 8, who compete in the same pageant. Note the younger being more boisterous, the older more prone to hurt feelings, the forced competitiveness. Ignoring the whole pageant thing, watching their behavior together, is like a day in taken from the pages of my childhood. I guess it's nice to know that it's "normal", that other sisters also fight like we used to. But it's also a bit scary, thinking about if we ever have kids (and the odds are looking better, the more time goes by), and they happen to both be girls, how likely is it that they turn out little cranky heathens like this, like we were. At least in the end, we all wound up putting it behind us and became friends. I don't know what I'd do without them. Love you, Cora & Rachel!

Hemlock Grove, Season 1, ep 1. The gypsy boy explains to the author that the pentagram represents the four elements, and the fifth was for spirit. "Plus," he said, "it looks metal!" I like that. I'm stealing that.

The diet that changed my life (and saved my marriage)

This was me this past September:

I had just started on the Ideal Protein diet, and was hoping that it would work. My husband works with a bunch of people who have done the diet and lost a bunch of weight, and had been after me for some time to get on it myself. 

One day I finally said to myself, if it doesn't matter to him how much it costs, I shouldn't let it matter to me. ($365 to start, then $80 a week plus vitamins... My credit card is starting to hate me..)

Time went by. I've been on strict diets before, so this wasn't the hardest thing I've ever done. When I was on a diet to determine if my migraines were caused by certain foods, I had to avoid all MSG, and I found out that it has many, many hidden names. I had made up a small cheat sheet to bring with me while shopping, and there were very few ready-made foods that I could even eat! So yes, the IP diet was almost a walk in the park in comparison.

Immediately, I started to see results. Each week, I went back to be weighed, and the scale told a better and better tale every time. My body fat went down, my BMI went down, my body water percentage went up, it was great! My metabolic age was stuck at 50-something for quite a while, but then it too, started to shift. 

Meanwhile, I started feeling and looking better. The person in the mirror looked more like who I expected to see. Growing up, I had always been a skinny kid, barely 110 pounds as a senior in high school. The weight I had put on over the years, coupled with other issues, had me in such a depression, I didn't feel I was worth anything. Looking in the mirror and seeing this 200 pound person who was supposed to be me had shattered my self image. 

At first, my clothes fit better. Then I needed to buy some new jeans. Then the person in the mirror became more recognizably me. And was smiling back more. 

My husband was thrilled. Not necessarily that I was getting skinny, but that I was finally starting to be happy with myself, comfortable in my own skin. As he said, if I could have felt like this at my higher weight, he would have been happy then, too. 

Things have changed so much between us. Last year, I wasn't sure we would still be living together anymore. I was frantic and distraught because I had no idea what I was going to do, my job pays very little, not enough to live on alone, and the cost of living here is exorbitant. 

We did go to counseling together, but I actually think that the diet helped the most. Once I felt better about myself, I felt better about him and us, and so did he. We have even been seriously discussing starting a family, after thirteen and a half years together. I never felt like I could give myself to a child, I never felt I was worth it. Things have changed so much now. I could be a good mother, I'm sure of it. 

And here's me, not five minutes ago. Down 72 pounds.

Epiphany time!

Having just watched "Nick Swardson's Pretend Time", Season 2, ep "Flying Stripper", I have realized something. A certain style of long hair can make any guy look hot. To me. I hate to be so shallow. And I know I'm not, upon further reflection. I have known tons of dudes with long hair that I have no desire for. Most of that is personality based. Hair don't make the man. But apparently it don't hurt, either. SMH

If I had sucked my thumb as a kid..

Knowing the way my brains have worked thru the years, I'm sure at first, it would have been second nature. Slowly, I'd grow increasingly more ashamed of it. "Not in front of company!" "Not at the dinner table!" "Take yer thumb outta yer mouth an' SPEAK!"

Not to mention "God sees everything you do, and knows what you're going to do before you do, and could snatch us up at any minute! With Rapture! With Violence and Death! With a Flaming Sword, or a chariot with wheels within wheels!".. You get the drift. Nowhere would be safe to just be myself, happy and content with the world.

So now as an adult, I'd want to be able to reclaim myself in so many ways, and now I'd realize I could do it again without fear of penalty. And feel whole again, comforted and calm.

What if there was a pill to get that feeling back again? Without having to suck my thumb? Would I do it? Would you?

Phish is my new religion.

There's no doubt about it, Phish gets me to a spiritual place. So much of the music has a peppy, "everything is awesome" feel to it. Imagine listening to the theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey, but all funked out. No, don't imagine it. Watch it. If you happen to have an awesome flatscreen to watch it on, so much the better. If not, sit real close to your monitor, turn it up super-bright, and squint. Similar effect.You are surrounded by a sea of happy, dancing people. Whenever the song goes into the chorus, it's like Day Dawning in your eyes (especially if a light happens to be directed at you, that can be blinding). People sing and sway to the music. You don't know hardly anyone, and there are thousands of people in the throng around you, but you feel perfectly safe. Everyone takes care of everyone else. Someone dancing near you is dying of thirst, can he have some water? Of course! You get hit on the head with a glowstick, that guy will snatch it up from the ground and hand it to you to throw back into the crowd. You're walking through the crowd to go to the bathroom, and some random girl stops you and hugs you and puts a tiny ladybug sticker on your sleeve. It's just such a good time.

On FB, I linked to a Youtube clip of the entire show, but there's no video, it's just a stationary graphic. But the dude at the "Watch it" link above has a really good view and made multiple videos. So you can see exactly how it is, why I love this band so much. And no, Mom, I'm not "worshipping" a band. I just imagine that the feeling I get at these shows is how I'm supposed to feel in church. Totally happy, not needing anything, just having a "we are all awesome" moment with my fellow humans. (Ooh, I need a shirt that says that!)